THE WORLD ACCORDING TO BRENDAN BEHAN
I am a drinker with writing problems.
When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence. Brendan Behan, on his career in the IRA
There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.
Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
I am a daylight atheist.
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.
I say myself no depressed words just depressed minds.
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke.
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.
New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.
One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.